You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
