i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
