We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
