Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
