the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
