Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
