i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
