We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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