i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
