that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
