she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
