Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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