I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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