Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
