dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
