Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
