just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
