So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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