Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
