Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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