I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
