I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
