So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
