I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
