i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
