This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
