Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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