Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He felt like a one man threesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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