the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this boner is exhausting
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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