Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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