i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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