i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
