Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
