This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm having to shit out rocks
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