You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drunk is a universal language darling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
