Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
