Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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