Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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