Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
