Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
