there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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