I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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