last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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