He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
