you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
