I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
