I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
