obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
