I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
