The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
