you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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