this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
