Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
