Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
